Without further ado, here is my breakdown of the top 32 seeds at this years men’s French Open. This may hurt.
- Rafael Nadal
(Roger Federer) – Not present
In recent outings at the French Open, failed to keep socks immaculately white. Not worth it.
2. Alexander Zverev
Playing level correlates approximately with number of air fingerings.
3. Marin Cilic
Pretty good. Does anyone care?
4. Grigor Dimitrov
Will probably become overwhelmed with how many world-class shots he can hit, and so decide to hit slow slice backhands and double fault.
5. Juan Martin Del Potro
Very manageable draw. May withdraw in order to let Isner-Mahut 2.0 take place.
6. Kevin Anderson
Fun fact: I once said “nice win” to Kevin at the 2015 US Open after he beat Murray, and he said “thanks!”…. Still a better story than watching him play on clay.
7. Dominic Thiem
Thiem chooses his court position like that kid picking daisies in the outfield.
8. David Goffin
Man’s taken enough hard knocks over the last year.
10. Pablo Carreno Busta
PCB would need to take PCP to be a contender.
11. Diego Schwartzman
I like Diego.
12. Sam Querrey
…….zzzz… *snork* who?
13. Roberto Bautista Agut
RBA likes hitting inside out forehands. Unfortunately, possible R3 opponent Djokovic likes hitting backhands.
14. Jack Sock
Will lose quickly so he can go back to playing fortnite with Kyrgios.
15. Lucas Pouille
Not sure what to say. Hey Nadal fans, want some PTSD?
16. (Sir) Kyle Edmund
17. Tomas Berdych
Really good against Chardy? Huh.
18. Fabio Fognini
Fabio Fognini, Fabled For Fantastic Fourth-Rounder. Also more Nadal PTSD :))) (sorry guys, June is always too much fun for yall.)
19. Kei Nishikori
Insert injury joke here.
20. Novak Djokovic
Who’s Novak Djokovic? What a weird name. Played pretty well in Rome though, is he a #NextGen?
21. Nick Kyrgios
Pros: Doesn’t have to play Andy Murray. Cons: see Jack Sock (14).
22. Philip Kohlschreiber
23. Stan Wawrinka
If he looks like a fruit roll-up or a over-corrected sunset, things may go well.
24. Denis Shapovalov
Wins because he has a big lefty serve and his opponents are often distracted by his coach’s terrifying halloween costume.
25. Adrian Mannarino
The most consistent, respectful, solid French tennis player. No one gives a sh**.
26. Damir Dzumhur
Got one game off of Rafa the other day. Nice job Damir!
27. Richard Gasquet
Gasquet gets it on with the French Crowd. And he always “ends prematurely” . see Wawrinka 2013, Murray 2011
28. Feliciano Lopez
There’s only room for one Spanish lefty in my heart.
29. Gilles Muller
A lefty, but not a spanish one.
30. Fernando Verdasco
31. Albert Ramos-Vinolas
32. Gael Monfils
Be sure to tune in for my next post, a legit breakdown of the French Open Draw. Thanks for being good sports 🙂