Without further ado, here is my breakdown of the top 32  seeds at this years men’s French Open. This may hurt.

  1. Rafael Nadal 


(Roger Federer)  – Not present

In recent outings at the French Open, failed to keep socks immaculately white. Not worth it.

2. Alexander Zverev 

Playing level correlates approximately with number of air fingerings.

3. Marin Cilic 

Pretty good. Does anyone care?

4. Grigor Dimitrov 

Will probably become overwhelmed with how many world-class shots he can hit, and so decide to hit slow slice backhands and double fault.

5. Juan Martin Del Potro

Very manageable draw. May withdraw in order to let Isner-Mahut 2.0 take place.

6. Kevin Anderson 

Fun fact: I once said “nice win” to Kevin at the 2015 US Open after he beat Murray, and he said “thanks!”…. Still a better story than watching him play on clay.

7. Dominic Thiem 

Thiem chooses his court position like that kid picking daisies in the outfield.Image result for dominic thiem funny

8. David Goffin 

Man’s taken enough hard knocks over the last year.

9.John Isner 


10. Pablo Carreno Busta 

PCB would need to take PCP to be a contender.

11. Diego Schwartzman 

I like Diego.

12. Sam Querrey

…….zzzz… *snork* who?

13. Roberto Bautista Agut 

RBA likes hitting inside out forehands. Unfortunately, possible R3 opponent Djokovic likes hitting backhands.

14. Jack Sock 

Will lose quickly so he can go back to playing fortnite with Kyrgios.

15. Lucas Pouille

Not sure what to say. Hey Nadal fans, want some PTSD?

Image result for lucas pouille funny

16. (Sir) Kyle Edmund 

“I bid thee, son of the Hallowed British Isles, avenge Sir Murray. and cast the blood his enemies on the dirt (Pospisil, Fognini)”

17. Tomas Berdych 

Really good against Chardy? Huh. 

18. Fabio Fognini 

Fabio Fognini, Fabled For Fantastic Fourth-Rounder. Also more Nadal PTSD :))) (sorry guys, June is always too much fun for yall.)Image result for fognini nadal us open

19. Kei Nishikori 

Insert injury joke here.

20. Novak Djokovic 

Who’s Novak Djokovic? What a weird name. Played pretty well in Rome though, is he a #NextGen?

21. Nick Kyrgios

Pros: Doesn’t have to play Andy Murray. Cons: see Jack Sock (14).

22. Philip Kohlschreiber

Hahahah “Phillip”

Image result for phillip funny name

23. Stan Wawrinka 

If he looks like a fruit roll-up or a over-corrected sunset, things may go well. Image result for wawrinka outfits

24. Denis Shapovalov

Wins because he has a big lefty serve and his opponents are often distracted by his coach’s terrifying halloween costume.

Image result for shapovalov tessa

25. Adrian Mannarino

The most consistent, respectful, solid French tennis player. No one gives a sh**.

26. Damir Dzumhur 

Got one game off of Rafa the other day. Nice job Damir!

27. Richard Gasquet 

Gasquet gets it on with the French Crowd. And he always “ends prematurely” . see Wawrinka 2013, Murray 2011

28. Feliciano Lopez

There’s only room for one Spanish lefty in my heart. Image result for feliciano lopez

29. Gilles Muller 

A lefty, but not a spanish one.

30. Fernando Verdasco 


Image result for verdasco hot

31. Albert Ramos-Vinolas

Sorry ARV.

Image result for albert ramos vinolas

32. Gael Monfils

Always a th-WAAHHH. 


Be sure to tune in for my next post, a legit breakdown of the French Open Draw. Thanks for being good sports  🙂